Anything For A Nut
Never in my life have I sunk so low, debased myself to such an
extent, as I did at MidSummerFest 2001. (Well, not since last
Tuesday, when... never mind, it's all in the police report.) The
mere thought of me, normally a self-respecting, and I hope, respectable
member of my community, practically a pillar, well at least a
two-by-four, of my community, singing, hugging, kissing, and playing
the pushie-shovey game, all for a measly cashew nut. (Well, actually
it was a totally yummy, packed with cashewiferous deliciousness
cashew nut, but let's not pick nuts, I mean nits, here--I picked
all my nits last weekend, and left them at MidSummerFest.) (By
the way, can you tell that I just finished reading the smash-hit
book, "How to Win Friends, and Influence People, Using Commas"?)
When I called my dream-team of therapists to tell them what I
had done, they let out a collective "cha-ching" and
started singing "We're in the money!". One of them went
so far as to offer to name the new wing of her summer house after
me.
Life is so complex. Most of MidSummerFest 2001 was a pleasant
experience: it was great to see old friends, make new ones, eat
non-stop for 72 hours, and expose rarely-exposed parts of my body
to the local mosquitos while holding a flashlight in my mouth
and trying to relieve pressures in my body that are better left
undescribed. If not for my "cashew issues," as Jungian
therapist number three called it, the whole weekend would have
been wonderful. But overhearing a fellow Fester refer to me as
"a couple of cashews shy of a GORP bucket" really set
me back. Then, when I was making my move on a particularly lovely
female Fester, someone urged me to "show her your nuts."
Unfortunately, I heard it as "show her you're nuts,"
with embarrassing results.
So between now and next year's MidSummerFest, I'm going to work
on keeping my nuts to myself, and acting like a cashew-al male.
See you all there.
Richard Schaffer & Eva Patalas
Eva and Richard send in this item from the latest edition of
"100 Romantic Getaways in New England":
Escape the bustle of the city at the delightful, rustic MidSummerFest
Meadows resort. Enjoy communal meals and activities with friendly
and diverse guests. Activities include relaxed hikes to splendid
views on ever-sunny afternoons, naturist -er naturalist classes,
summer theater and midnight serenades. Advance booking required.
The luxurious, exclusive anniversary suite is glass enclosed on
two sides with spectacular views of shimmering water and a private
dock. The anniversary package comes with balloons, wildflowers,
good friends and all the cake you can eat. Book 5 years in advance.
Accessible by 5 wheel drive and mule train.
A first-timer learns some stuff at MSF
Looking back, I can only say, "I didn't know what I was getting
myself into."
I had perused the MSF handbook on-line. I gathered the camping
equipment I would need. But then just days before the big event,
I got an email from my mentor, Chris Campbell, with helpful hints
on what to bring, like this one:
Mosquito net shell and hood/helmet for walking between tent
and campfire or shed or other locales. After 5:00, the bugs can
get ferocious. If swarming bugs appear, I've found its just better
to stay in your tent.
I hadn't counted on needing a mosquito helmet. He also suggested:
Whistle; for trips to the latrine (which is 2-3 hundred yards
deep in the forest); an effective call for help if necessary.
I began to have doubts. Was I up to this experience?
Eventually I learned that Chris' helpful hints were intended as
a joke. But there were truly helpful things that I learned at
my first MSF, that I would like to pass along:
• There really are many uses for butter when camping.
• Gorp is edible, especially if it contains chocolate.
• Telling insects in your tent to leave will cause other
people to question your sanity, should you be overheard. (Besides,
the insects don't understand English)
• Thursday Night Club is worth taking an extra day off work.
• For the travesty act, make sure to wear a disguise since
the whole thing will be videotaped. If no one can see you clearly,
you can deny it was you.
• Make sure you have dry clothes waiting for you on the other
end of the tubing trip.
• Newcomers with allergies to sheep should delay their arrival
at MSF until after the opening ceremony.
• Be sure to check out the location and orientation of latrines
before it gets dark.
What I did during the Midsummerfest Holiday
by H. Potsmith
It seems a long time ago as I sit down to write these words [ed.:
It is a long time ago.] about the strange events that transpired
during the midsummerfest holiday. I thought I would encapsulate
the experience in the form of several observations and bits of
advice.
1. If you (eventually) bring kids to Midsummerfest, be prepared
to wake first, eat last, and in general run around more than otherwise.
And this was with a helpmate who did more than her fair share
(thank you, Carla!) and a number of MSFers who took time to look
after or do things with Elisabeth or Alexander. (Thank you all!)
It's a challenge to get to things on the duty roster, but you
can get around it by pitching in on somebody else's item when
the opportunity presents itself. Having kids at MSF may be a challenge,
but when they're asleep in your arms late at the Travesty , or
even better acquitting themselves honorably on stage, it's a wonderful
feeling.
2. If you're terrible at remembering names, it helps to go to
several Midsummerfests. In new social situations I'm usually tentative
at best, but I'd be hard pressed to name a more comfortable and
enjoyable setting than MSF.
3. Hey, you know what? Our Travesty acts do go better when we
rehearse and memorize the damn script! Kudos to Rich, Eva, Ian,
Carla, and John Burns for an excellent show from the habitual
number one offender (especially considering I don't usually get
the script out in time to get it memorized).
4. I don't know if this is generally applicable, but if you're
planning an elaborate skit with (supposed) humor in it, run the
ideas past other people. Some things I think are funny are so
obscure only Rich Schaffer will laugh at them. We always hatch
our half baked schemes with a collective brainstorming session,
so the real turkeys get a chance to get shot down.
5. Back on the kids front—if you have kids, you will never,
never, never get up to the 100 Acres Woods (or just about any
other place) when you say or think you will. Never.
6. Next year I'm pitching the dang tent in the shade.
7. Swimming in the lower pond is a great experience. Sometimes
I get to it only on a work weekend, sometimes during the event
itself, but it's not as good an MSF without a dive and a swim.
I'm partial to mornings before too many people are awake, so that
no one is around to observe how long it takes me to nerve up and
dive in. Cautionary note: there can be sharp things on the bottom
of the pond—I cut my foot jumping in.
8. I wonder how badly I botch the tune to "Arise Ye Sons
of M.I.T." when we do the MSF song—care to critique,
Anne? I'm ready (wince). I wish we could sing the original version
at the closing ceremony—I really like the lyrics, and Ian
deserves the public humiliation and thanks.
9. Is anyone up for a stargazing session next year? I have to
find a way to stay up past my bedtime, but if the weather's good
taking in the night sky is as good as diving into the pond.
10. I still want to find a way to get people to come to my house
for work weekends.
Anne
Thøgersen & Tina Dahl Rasmussen
MIDSUMMERFEST - A DANISH PERSPECTIVE.
When you come from Europe to the United States you don't really
expect it to be very different. We know of course that every thing
is bigger and better if you ask any red blooded American but other
than that we more or less expect things to be rather similar to
what we know from home. But boy are we wrong. On the surface things
may seem similar but once you join twenty-some natives on a trip
to the wilderness of Royalton, Vermont (a very neat wilderness
we might add), you realize that the Americans are prone to strange
rituals and very strange food.
First there was Smores, a thing we will never understand…..nor
do we have any wish to!!!
Then there was the much more interesting red GORP-box. Now, at
first glance this looked like any ordinary large lunch-box (yes,
everything IS bigger in America!! We know that now!). But when
it was brought out rather ritualistically and filled with the
strangest things that didn't really seem to have anything whatsoever
to do with lunch, we got a little suspicious. Was this some kind
of ploy to test us? Would something dreadful happen to us, if
we dared look into the box? Would we turn into goblins or forever
wander as MidsummerFest-Zombies? (We should probably tell you
that we had just returned from a trip to New Orleans where we
had seen rather strange things but this was somehow different!).
Or would something wonderful happen if we actually ate some of
the contents?
The box became surrounded with various rituals. A young man started
behaving very strangely to get cashew nuts and people in general
seemed to hog it for the longest time being very selective when
they dived into the box. Actually only the renowned Uncle Fester
just dug in, got a handful and shoved it in his mouth (we were
instructed that this was the proper way to eat GORP!).
Fairly quickly we learned the part of the ritual which meant hanging
on to it, being very selective and only handing it to the person
next to you, but we still needed one explanation: What did GORP
mean? When we asked we were told (in a somewhat lecturing manner)
that it was Good Old Raisins and Peanuts. This we did not understand
because there were so many other things than old dried out raisins
and peanuts in the box. Now we were sure that this was some kind
of ploy or something Americans don't want Europeans to know about.
Had we been lied to or was this some kind of test?
To this day we don't know.
What we do know is:
• There is a lot more to the United States and to Americans
than meets the eye. They go off into the woods where they exercise
strange rituals (although they take place in nice surroundings
and among wonderful and entertaining people who get up on a stage
in the middle of the woods and perform magic tricks and sing about
Spanish kings (and we wonder which one since Spain has a king!!!))
and there is definitely something here that European ethnographers
should look into.
• Nothing dreadful happens when you eat from the GORP-box
(that is if you don't consider gaining five pounds dreadful!).
• You don't turn into an MSF-Zombie (or maybe you do …..
we're not quite sure yet …. maybe because we haven't slept
for four weeks…).
• Something wonderful does happen: you make new friends by
sharing their favourite GORP-ingredient with them.
• It turns ordinary (nice) single guys into Frank Sinatra
serenade singing wonders (this change actually lasts for a while
after you have taken the red box away from them!).
• You find the GORP-box in various places. After this trip
we saw several in the hands of people on trains and on the street
(although we never saw the same strange rituals being exercised).
Oh, and we have found the answer to the riddle of the word GORP.
This may be some kind of test after all….. They have accidentally
given it the wrong name (everything may be bigger but they apparently
can't spell…).
What is in the red box is not just raisins and peanuts. It is
GORPCDFBSCM&MGM!
When asked to contribute an article to this publication, several possible Midsummerfest 2001 headlines occurred to me;
"Brave Emily Befriends Evil Cathy"
"GORP Fosters Better Understanding Between Cashewish and Casholic Festers"
"There is Nothing Like a Dane!"
"Totally Tubular River Ride Tumbles TNCers- Mr. Chin Loses Hat, Butter's Bounces Back"
"Late Night Folk Song Wars, Or, Singing in the Key of HUH??"
But, the most appropriate story from me would have to be an ode to the road. It was improved this year! Honestly! It just didn't like me very much. The following story format was inspired by the Mad Libs we played with, or as those of us who hung out on the deck would know them, Queen Elizabeth's Word Command.
Before reading on, if you want to play the game, list 3 adjectives, 5 nouns, 5 verbs, 1 adverb, a number and several expletives, then fill them into place as needed.
|
*@#*&%#*!(Expletive)
It was a smooth drive for most, but
a ___________ trap for the __________ Festerella. She had a difficult time ____________ to Midsummerfest, but Verb (ing) lots of laughs and ___________ once
she got there. She was totally unaware that the ___________ road was waiting
to ____________ her again. Yes, on the day we packed up our ____________
and departed, the road ________________ her car. Friends had to wait ________ hours at
a restaurant while a __________ truck was called to _________ her out of a
ditch. Poor __________________ Ian and Anne where stuck behind her ___________
___________ car. When they could have said __________,
they were ____________ patient and kind. Ironically she had _____________
a song at the Travesty about that sandy stretch of __________ and her
sad Saturn struggling to _________ it. |
