From MSFB vol 11 #3, 7/22/1993
3rd Work Weekend: It Doesn't Get Any Better
The third Midsummerfest Work Weekend proceeded according to
schedule, despite only one person volunteering to help out. Neal
Goldman, brave soul that he is, decided to risk the wrath of the
rain gods and accompanied Ian for a weekend of flexing, sweating,
drum-beating and male-bonding.
Soon after arriving on Saturday, Ian made his customary supply
run to Royalton, leaving Neal to do the real work all by himself.
A couple of hours later, Ian returned to find Neal exhausted and
nearly unconscious in the middle of the field. At first Ian though
Neal was merely working on his tan, but when Neal failed to respond
to repeated shouts of "cold beer," Ian knew something
was wrong.
Neal is still comatose, but he emerged briefly and doctors have
been able to reconstruct a probable scenario.
Soon after Ian left, a large, four-wheel-drive vehicle arrived
at the site carrying a large freezer full of beer, several inflatable
pool toys, and five blond women sporting only blue and yellow
bikinis. Despite his vehement protests, they stripped off most
of Neal's clothes and forced him to recline on one of the aforementioned
inflatable pool toys which they had placed in the pond. They then
forced him to drink beer after ice-cold beer while they gave him
a hot-oil massage and cavorted in the water around him singing
in a "Scandinavian-sounding" language. What happened
afterwards will only be known if and when Neal recovers. Doctors
are not optimistic about his recovery. He occasionally shouts
out "It doesn't get any better than this!" and doctors
fear permanent brain damage.
Police are still searching for the assailants at this hour.