Narrator: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, welcome to another exciting

episode of SPACE COMMANDER WACK! Starring... Space Commander Wack! Stupid Larry!

and Gorf! The dead martian dog.

This year's episode is entitled: An Earful of Wacks.

Stay awake as we watch yet another archvillain plot to destroy our hero.

This evening's supercriminal is none other than Space Commander Wack's EVIL twin

brother, BlackJack Wack.

(enter BJW)

Constantly competing with his brother, Blackjack Wack was driven to a

life of crime by his brother's accidental success as a superhero. This

competition started at a very early age, since their mother only had one breast.

BJW: Mom always liked him better 'cause he was later developing baby teeth.

Narrator: BlackJack Wack is concocting an evil plan to destroy his brother

using Space Commander Wack's one known weakness, the element NotTonite.

BJW: (thinking out loud) I have a plan... a cunning plan. I will destroy my

brother using his one known weakness, the element, NotTonite...(pause). It will

give him a perpetual headache, so that he can never have children. Then my own

son, Bivou, (brief pause) will be the sole heir to the fortune of the House of

Wacks. Unfortunately, my son won't be able to help me, because he is out on

maneuvers.

After many years of searching, I've just found one, precious piece of

NotTonite. I will sneak into Space's house and place it in his toilet. Then,

when he goes to use the bathroom, he'll get it at both ends.

(scene cuts to SCW's house. SCW and SL are sitting around, reading the

newspaper. SL is reading the front page. SCW is reading a Harlequin romance)

SL: Hey, Space Commander Wack! Look at this! Your evil twin brother has just

broken into the xxx museum/army base and stolen the piece of NotTonite!

(no response)

SL: CW? CW?

SCW: (lost in thought. starts to read aloud) His bronzed hands caressed her

soft, supple thighs. She kissed him hungrily. His hands roamed upwards towards

her...

SL: CW!

SCW: Huh? What? Can't you see I'm studying?

(doorbell rings. Stupid Larry gets the door)

SL: Can I help you?

BJW: I'm the plumber. Emil Thibodeau at your service, sir. I've come to fix

your toilet.

SL: Wow! The warranty service on this Crapmatic Adjustable Toilet is great! I

didn't even have to call. You know, I've been having trouble with that

"Hemarrhoid soothing" attachment.

SCW: Oh. I was wondering what that vibrating sound was every time I went to

the bathroom.

BJW: Good. Now I'll get to work.

SCW: Make it so, Number 1. Or was that Number 2?

(BJW walks over to the toilet. Looks around like he's trying to hide something)

SL: (noticing the resemblance) CW? Doesn't he look like someone familiar?

SCW: Nope. I've never seen anyone like him in my life. By the way, how's

Gorf's obedience training going?

SL: Good. He came in second in the "Stay" competition. (pause) He and his

friend Max were a little overzealous in the "Territory Marking" event, however.

(BJW drops the NotTonite in the toilet with a loud plop).

Narrator: PLOP!

(Gorf suddenly runs to the toilet and starts drinking. He eats the NotTonite)

SCW: Look they're toilet training him!

(SL runs to the toilet to scold Gorf)

SL: Gorf! Bad dog! That's not Matzo Ball soup! (pause) Hey! What's this? Holy

Shit! It's the missing piece of NotTonite!

(BJW backs away from SL and SCW)

SL: You're not Emil Thibodeau!

SCW: (working it out) Then he must be my evil brother, BlackJack Wack!

BJW: And I would have had you too. Except for that stupid dog with the

shit-eating grin.

SCW: But why? Why the constant attempts? Why the NotTonite? the registration

in a cooking class with Jeffrey Dahmer? The sabatoge of my do-it-yourself penile

enlargement kit?

BJW: Why ask Why?

SCW: Well. I'm afraid it's curtains for you, evil brother. Time for a bar of

soap and Big Bob.

BJW: You've not seen the last of me, Space Commander Wack. I've already signed

a contract for a sequel.