From the MSF Bulletin Issue 1, 1988

SPECIAL REPORT
The Origins of Midsummerfest
by Professor Douglas Beevers
Special to the Bulletin

ITHACA, NY — Many theories have been developed to account for the origin of Midsummerfest. Contrary to the average-man-in-the-street's theory on the origin of Midsummerfest, all reputable historians agree that Midsummerfest was not originally a festival in the middle of the summer. The original meaning of Midsummerfest is thought to have been a pun which was fortunately lost in translation from very, very old
Anglo-Saxon to not-so-very, very old Anglo-Saxon. (According to carbon dating, this occurred a long time ago, plus or minus 0.001%.) Famous linguists say that Midsummerfest derives from mead sum or feast, meaning "a time to consume large sums of mead or to feast." Not-so-famous linguists say that the origin of Midsummerfest is rrdds (short for midsection) urn, er (meaning pause, I don't know what i'm saying) and 'fessed (short for confessed), which has no logical explanation yet.

Midsummerfest as it now stands has become a festival for the celebration on nature in a mystical and paganisric way. There were many people who disputed this saying that people already worshipped the sun and nature on their own, having no need for extra holidays. Thus Midsummerfest was cancelled for approximately five hundred years until various Druids and nature worshippers noticed that people were not celebrating the rain, mud, and clouds in an appropriately mystical and paganistic way. Thus Midsummerfest was reestablished in order to worship and celebrate rain, mosquitoes, algae, clouds, ants in the food, and all other important aspects of nature that were being ignored, if not impolitely abused by various nature-worshiping surfbums, backpackers, and hippies. (The ceremonial dance to worship ants in the food will be held from 12-3 on Midsummer's Eve.)

In an interview with the Midsummerfest Faerie, at her villa in Honolulu, we learned how Midsummerfest used to be an impressive festival of gift giving, caroling, and Midsummerfest trees (pre-decorated), until Santa Claus and his so-called elves forced her out of the North Pole in a bloodless coup. She has engaged in a vigorous letter-writing campaign to Claus to return the Midsummerfest Sleigh. However, she only receives a standard form letter every year which reads, "Thank you for your inquiry. As long as you are a good little boy or girl we will continue to review your request." When asked what she would do with the Sleigh in the middle of July, she said, "It's none of your business."

The Faerie denies charges that she has any relation to the Grinch and has also accused Santa Claus of trying to ruin the United States economy by flooding the marked with massive infusions of non-taxable, free goods. She said, "It's highly illegal." She said that she would run Midsummerfest on a cash-as-you-pay policy so as not to interfere with the United States balance of payments.